Proudly Anxious

Actually I have been procrastinating this post now for weeks. Maybe because in the last few weeks I have realized I need to work more on my anxiety issues. Of course I have some cool tips to share but I feel like I could never give the solution to anybody on a silver plate. But one thing I have truly learnt from my anxiety journey is that you shouldn’t be ashamed. You should be proud to be anxious. Does that sound crazy? Maybe, but I will tell you more about it.

So I was born anxious. A lot of people told me I was a strange kid. I was quiet; public speaking and performances were my worst nightmares. I was constantly ashamed, even humiliated by how I was. Of course panic attacks always got attached to the feeling of being afraid of humiliation. Later in my twenties I learnt that something is truly wrong with me. Because I couldn’t do such easy tasks as riding a bus alone or even going shopping. I tried every kind of therapy and sometimes doctors and psychologists just reassured me that indeed something was wrong with me.

When I started to heal I realized that my anxiety is attached to my gift, my gift of imagination and empathy.  So the things I am really grateful for (my skills of writing and colorful imagination) and the things I despise in myself are almost the same. They are like conjoined twins.

Maybe I still cannot take a bus alone (at least not without reaching high anxiety levels), but I can write stories. Anxiety is not making us less of a human being. It gives something more in life.

After my mind cleared from the deepest generalized anxiety period of my life, I started to appreciate life more. I noticed things like never before. For example the beauty of nature, sunsets and clouds and even a refreshing inhale.

I should be grateful for anxiety because it showed me how to live fully. I should be grateful because it always gives me new challenges and teach me to push myself further. When the anxiety is getting worse it shows me it’s time to change something before I would get into more trouble.

Of course I wrote this post because I need to remind myself that I should be proud. It is just hard most of the time. When I am flooded with anxious feelings because of a flight or even a bus ride it’s just not as funny. But it should be.

Everybody with anxiety just needs to remind themselves of the positive side of this. I bet it gives you something more than just pounding heart and dizziness. You just need to find it.

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